by Anda Hobai
In Counselling we have this term, Resourcing. It means an anchor to a place of safety.
In the beginning of the session, we are inviting the client to search inside their memories that moment when they felt loved, protected and completely happy. When they are imagining that place and describe the small details, they remember about the environment, the smell, the sound, the feeling of that memory. That is the place of their Resourcing. The place that can be recalled anytime they need to find back their ground, their center. Their safety net.
In the counselling session we might visit scary places, dark shameful holes in ourselves. We need to have the courage to confront these aspects if we want to live from our Essence.
The comfort zone of what we believe we are, or the Personality, is just a fake replacement of what we naturally could be without any effort.
The Personality has some tricky reasons to make us believe that we have TO DO something to be lovable. Maybe we just have to work hard, to succeed, to be altruistic, to be special, intelligent, perfect? How do will feel about ourselves if we are not?
When we have the courage to visit our dark places of shame, guilt, pain and hatred it feels like a deep cleaning. It feels like coming home.
We get in touch with our inner power and raw energy, with the unconditional love and full acceptance of ourselves. It feels like a vail is coming out of our eyes making space for pure happiness , expansion and bliss. WE ARE LIGHT, WE ARE LOVE, WE ARE ESSENCE. WE SIMPLY ARE, WITHOUT ANY EFFORT.
There is a Happy Ending when we take the challenge of making the trip toward our Essence. The more painful and scary our life was as children, the more difficult it is to let go of the control, of who we need to think we are.
On the way of removing the vails, we are visiting our demons: the ugly me, the unworthy me, the unlovable me, the evil me, defective me, unimportant me, alone and helpless me. We need courage to deal with that, and we need a safety net where we can go back when it is getting overwhelming: the Resource place.
In Acuenergetics we have this daily practice of Inner Smile Meditation. Is an old Buddhist practice of remembering a moment when we were happy. It can be a moment when we were in love, a moment when we were playing with a puppy, a little happy child, or contemplating the beauty of nature. Remembering that moment, we start smiling. Our heart is wired with the corners of our mouth. When we feel happy and relaxed, our heart opens and we start smiling. And also, when we start smiling, our heart opens and we feel happy.
Between our heart and our hands there is also a connection. When the heart is open, our hands get activated and we can heal with the energy and resonance of our heart. By smiling we activate the healing resource of our heart. That resonance heals our body and our mind so we can heal others.
I learned all this, but how shall I integrate all this into my daily life?
The answer can be found in another question: how can I resource myself and remember this amazing reservoir of energy, love and healing I have inside?
When I am in Resourcing:
I feel happy and relaxed
I do what I like
I am with the people I love
I am contemplating the beauty of nature
I take time to rest and stay in silence
I am taking care of my needs
I love and accept myself and don’t judge myself for anything
It can look a bit selfish, but let me share a secret. Do you know what happens when I am resourced? People feel happy and relaxed around me, and I become naturally giving, loving and caring from a place of overflowing happiness!
When I try to help others from a space where my energy is depleted it feels like a sacrifice and I become bitter and resentful. I’m waiting from them to give me something back, even I don’t express it clearly.
In my work I also often see relationships where people fight for getting more and giving less to each other. They measure their efforts and resent the other for not paying back. The relationship become a bargain.
In the beginning, when we fall in love, there is so much energy pouring out from our happy heart that we don’t need anything from the other. In the beginning the only thing we need is to make the other one happy. We accept and love the other, and we don’t want them to change.
When the honeymoon passes things get different. We need the other to resource us. We need things to be delivered to fulfill our needs and when our resources get less and less, we slowly stop taking care of the other. It is getting only about ME and the blame is only on the other one. My finger is pointing outwards and I forget to take responsibility for my own resourcing!
We can fill our cup from connecting with ourselves and with what nourish us, not from sucking our loved ones!
When we feel depleted, tired and depressed we always need to remember to resource. To do things we like, be with people that open our hearts, spend time in nature, rest, take care of ourselves and confront our self-judging mind.
If we are stuck we can ask for help from a friend or a counsellor, a therapist. We can also ask for help from the beloved, but staying aware: when only one is giving and the other one is taking for long period of times, the system gets unbalanced.
Friends are taking turns. Healers are payed for their time and knowledge and energy, turning back without creating unbalance in the system.
Victims and saviors are stuck in their roles.
The Savior Trap
Sometimes we grab the place of the helper, the giver, the savior and feel important and needed.
In Systemic Coaching, Alain Cardon was the one confronting me with this reality: if you are a savior, you will create victims! They will become dependent on your help, instead of developing healthy ways to help and heal themselves!
The only way I can help the other is to help myself.
The only way I can save the other is to save myself.
The only way I can love the other is to love myself!
So, the next time you might feel like Mother Teresa, remember: everybody needs to learn to resource themselves from their Essence!
We have a special connection with the energy around us. In the body, we have the connection with the ground: our feet, and we have the connection with the sky: the top of our head. Feel your feet on the ground, feel the heaviness of your body attracted by the gravity: we are anchored, we are supported, we are safe. Feel the top of your head: we are guided and we are inspired.
We don’t need to suck energy from each other to get nourished and resourced, we need to connect with Mother Earth, with Father Sky and with the force of our hearts, with our Essence. We ARE, abundantly, with no effort.
“Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter”
Long Chen Pa- Taoist mystic